{Unedited} Circles on the Water

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As a child growing up in the Christian church I struggled with an intuitive awareness that wasn’t understood.

The rocks sang and the earth moved beneath my feet.

Steeped in Native culture my skin made me an outsider to a deeper understanding that my heart somehow already knew.

I could see the wind and taste the storm. The smaller interweaving of life that defines a larger calling. Craving ritual. Drum and dance pulsing beneath my skin. Like a conductor the Spirit flowed through me. Off my tongue unbidden. Humming on my finger tips and coloring my sight.

With no guidance the clamor of thought that pressed itself to me felt like insanity. Possession. A burden I was taught to rail against.

For thirty years I was wrong. My body was wrong. My spirit was wrong.

Drowning in anointing oil and running from myself I reached for logic disregarding the most basic explanation that my upbringing wouldn’t accept.

I was exactly as I was made to be by a creator who makes no mistakes.

The solution was surrender. The slow and intentional drowning of fear and survival. Circles etched on the water. Inescapable fire and the refining of self. I let go and learned to breathe beneath the depths. An ancient soul in a broken body. Healing began and the world became clear.

There is fear in the unknown and a human need to define it. Label and classify what is not able to be controlled. Even in a faith that demands no boundaries we define our submission.

Mastery a redemption for a wild and open heart.

We write scripts to glorify the calling. Romanticized images of power and spirit. Making something easy evil and what is evil light.

We miss the mark and side step responsibility with a fan like adoration.

Teaching fear of self. Abusing the vessel of hope and grace.

I am not the Spirit of my gifts. I am the vessel. Responsibility lies in my willingness to be, and yet I quietly struggle with a willingness to make a mark. To be seen.

Fear of my salvation. Fear of judgment. Old worries and ideas a daily struggle against what I know to be true.

That I am exactly as I was made to be by a creator that makes no mistakes.

Circles etched on the water.

To speak what I know. To live in my ritual, not as worship or religion but because my nature requires it. Because communion is an action found in the quiet folds of morning. Chosen in the humming dusk of a wide sky. The moon reminds me, time to release. Breath in a cleansing smoke. Prayer and mediation aligning will. Will submitted to calling.

In my growth I’ve found drum and dance. In the roots of highland ancestors, in the words of my text. A biblical truth that needs no accounting. The worship of movement and release. Sweet words spoken in understanding by those who would mother my heart. Nurture my nature and guide my knowledge. A spiritual connection without lines drawn to loyalties.

The Spirit in me recognizes the Spirit in you.

Ego surrendered to understanding.

Creation calls to us for surrender. The sea is pulled by the moon. The rocks rise up in worship.
Gently. Powerfully. Prayerfully. I know my truth and I grieve the loss of understanding by a church that requires it.

We hobble ourselves and the world sees. Our weakness bound in righteous dignity. Our representation of a son who bore all so we could move between the world and Spirit. Fearless of reprisal. Speaking boldly the truth.

That Grace is not found in the four walls of doctrine but in the broken heart of a reasoned mind.
Faith. Tended and grown. Compassion reigning. Choice a truth.

My choice. My truth. The indwelling of Spirit. Words taught and understood.

Circles etched on the water. Prophetic and wild. Not contained by religion. The only requirement for a redemption given freely. Surrender.

A request. The still voice of command.

See yourself through me. The beauty of calling. The power of love. Faith defined. Grace redeeming. Fearless in your hope. Triumphant in your understanding. Lay down your fight and breath in the deep so that you may know the peace that resides within it.

In the world, not of the world. Doctrine released for Spirit. Spirit resolving pain.

Shattering Rahab and finding peace.

Circles etched on the water and the rocks do sing.

{He replied, “I tell you that if these keep silent, the very stones will cry out in worship.” Luke 19:40}

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