{Unedited} Just Because

blurred_lights-t2I’ve recently been reminded that I’m “supposed” to be writing and posting and publishing and doing all those moving forward things that lead to paying jobs and critical acclaim in the writers-sphere.
I get that, I do (and I love you for the support bea) but I also know that my world is changing and I’m not quite sure how I WANT to fit all of these beautiful nuggets into what’s emerging.
Our family moved, again. Washington. East side, West side, East side, Idaho, Florida. That’s a lot of transition. New climates (sharpen the farm mama learning curve). Start from scratch. Source the needs. Fight the man (and not just the one I’m married to).
We have started a new business, have you ever started a business? PAPERWORK. Worse, we started a business in a technical field that is all about paperwork. Any guesses what I spend most of my time doing? Paperwork.
I have a pool, I want to swim in that. And sit quiet in the evenings and soak up the sun in the mornings and maybe do all those things without the interference of electronic communication or a manuscript in my hand. I think maybe I don’t want to write. Or farm. Or do anything other than wake up, feed my home, feed my heart, go to work and sleep the uninterrupted sleep of a woman who has made her choice.
But I know that’s a lie. I know that I will eventually sit in front of a keyboard and spill my thoughts onto the screen. I know that I need to refine my focus and change my presence and do the purposeful things like marketing and name changes and business plans. I need to have my picture taken instead of hiding behind the camera taking the picture. I need to edit my catalog and deliver it to be measured. I need to do the networking, and educating, and learning. I need to find the time, choose the time and I need to act now because inaction is exhausting and waiting serves no purpose.
But maybe just a little bit less for just a little longer. Grace? Let someone else grow the food, grow the business, grow the plan while I rest. My heart is happy and my body is feels the weight of Washington to Idaho to Florida. 3,489.8 miles of change. Today my body is winning and challenging my attention to self-care. Today I’m going to let go of the details and expectations. I’m going to sit in front of a keyboard and spill my thoughts onto the screen. Then sink into the water and soak in the sun. Today I’m going to rest. Because. Just because.

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